my first short story

Dear readers, this is my first attempt with a short story. though i wanted to write one for quite sometime it finally materialized today. comments/criticisms are welcome and hope i would not bore you to the core.

He sat there stirring his cappuccino, looking at it. He wore a smile which was a mixture of gratitude and a slight irritation nevertheless he looked relieved. The day has not been particularly kind to him. Having a bad day at office is nothing unusual but today it has been a little different.

It all started when he woke up an hour late in the morning. The alarm clock, which he managed to find after a two hour search, had failed to live up to his expectations. He realized it only when he woke up and saw that it had stopped at 1.am itself – he had not used the alarm clock in years. Though he had made it just on time for the appraisal meeting, it came at the cost of breakfast.

After attending the grueling but successful meeting, he collapsed into his chair and looked at the monitor, absentmindedly. The date on the desktop calender seemed to remind him of something. Suddenly it struck him … it was the birthday of a friend. He tried hard to recollect the mobile number but to no avail. Hastily he scrambled through some of his old telephone books but alas!, the attempt was futile. He even tried to leave a scrap via orkut but it the firewall scorched his requests. With no option left, he sent a mail conveying the birthday wishes.

He would have certainly forgotten to send a request asking for a fresh cheque book from the bank, but for the timely remainder by a friend. While sending this mail, he realized the friend whom he had wished in the morning had replied to the mail. Obviously it was ‘thanks’ mail but he had successfully managed to draw flak for not having enough to time to make a call and wish. He was simply frustrated, partly because of his inability but there was little he could too other than accepting it and desperately waited for the clock to hit 6.

He was the first to leave the office, without even waiting to bid goodbye to his colleagues. The drive of 30mins was filled with thoughts of the day’s incidents. As he entered, he was greeted by the ever smiling customer desk executive. Upon production of the receipt, he was made to wait for a brief period of time and before handing it over he was advised to be careful while handling it and that if its dropped into water again, the possibility of resurrection is very bleak.

Without a second thought, he headed to the coffee shop in the adjacent building. After ordering his usual coffee, he pulled it out of the bag and pressed gently on the top. It blinked to life as he saw his own photo in the background. He heaved a sigh of relief and unconsciously he smiled.

13 Comments:

Mohan Kumar said...

First impression is the best impression , and u made it !! Nice Post . check the typing mistakes yar !

Cheers :)
Mohans World

Dragon said...

nice post mac..

sunny_raju said...

Good start. n good luck

rahul said...

good post.....u can a lil more drama...welcome to my blogroll :P

Shwetha said...

Good one!!!
Uve written it so well that I got lost....

Anonymous said...

Good start surendra. i am sure u will write more

Akshay kashid said...

nice work with good english..http://rajthakareyview.blogspot.com/

akshay said...

nice work

unpretentious_diva said...

nice first try.
good start.

Setu said...

excellent write-up.
keep it up!

vanilla sky said...

nice narration!
keep writing!

Lena said...

good first attempt.. you know once you start writing short stories you will never be able to stop ;)
keep writing! :)

manorath said...

it was a good one dude.. waitin for ur next story...