Life, for most of us, has panned out more or less in the same manner. The statement may appear too generalized but true to some extent. the creativity and independent thinking got almost killed under the name of education, when we were admitted to some school. Of the many things our parents analyzed before admitting us to one such school, the most important one is the quality of education being imparted to the children and only after being sufficiently convinced in that respect, did they make the admission. That signaled the end of our liberties.

Comportment is one thing which invariably all schools were good at and many a times it was simply beyond our comprehension as to how we are being straitjacketed into something. Nothing to be complained of that fact but the reality is we did not have the opportunity to realize what is being done to us. Well, most of us did not have any big choice but to go to the school as a good student and strive hard for that one goal many parents expected i.e. being first in the class. (though i was never one but the expectation did exist). Year after year, we participated in healthy competition with our fellow beings in the class(who also carried similar expectations) and man those were the most enjoyed days in our lives. Many long to get back to school days and re-live the fun.

Slowly emerged in the horizon was the inevitable question of a career. We studied hard so that we can beat our previous performance. When it came to the question of selecting the stream in which we wanted to build our career, all the schools seemed to have too little seats to offer that we had to be at the best of our performance to secure one of them. Obviously there were other institutions too, which offered the same syllabus and subjects, but we were told that it would be a compromise on the quality of knowledge we gain. There were some of us who ended up achieving the desired course and there were some of us who were not able to do things by choice but simply chance. There did exist some regret when some dreams were shattered but still we moved on. Once the discipline in which we planned to build our career got decided the next challenge rolled out - the race for the best college. From the plethora of competitive exams around, we had to pick and choose the best one so that we can build a bright career and live a happy life.

Though this race is not qualitatively very different except for the fact that the competition was against some invisible runner for the same position (ironically sometimes the same person would end up being the best friend) and so the atmosphere would turn intense. Hard work only pays. Two to three years of study and study alone forgetting almost the entire world around us. When the rewards were given again the situation was not very different. Some were able to exercise their choice and some had to be content with the chance and there were others, like me, who were not befitting to both. Either get a college of you choice but not the course or vice versa. (in fact, 2 years into my college i realized that it was merely the brand name of the institution which marked the difference between the students and most of the times it did not have any quality of knowledge.. thank god at-least now i was able to realize it). Undoubtedly, the college days were the unforgettable days to all, cutting across all known forms of differences that existed between us.

After all these sustained efforts and struggles, the logical culmination would have to come in the form a dream job or again an admission into some other college which could promise us a even brighter career. Again there could be some of us who are not interested in reaching this logical culmination but planning to take up something else, influenced by something in our path.( i belong to this category) Once again the story continues. Neither did the competition die nor did the competitive spirit in us the only change could be the change in competition. The competition to get the best in life. All through this story we learned to tweak ourselves to meet the new challenges and live up to the expectations of the newly evolving circumstances. There also may be the not so lucky ones who might have missed out at one, some, many or even all these stages.

A few days back, while flipping through pages of the newspaper, i came across something thought provoking and eventually that is what made me write this. "Arguably, the greatest thing the human brain does is 'making the future'. Since it's such a a superb 'anticipation machine', you begin to reap gratification even from a completely non-existent gift. But when such a person fails to win the much coveted prize, he may experience as much sorrow as though he had actually received and then lost the award" . Well, i am not very sure about how aptly the write up matches with this statement but i strongly have a conviction that at least my story matches to it, to some extent. It doesn't ever mean that one should be searching for the best in the life but simply to throw light on what had been pushing us all the while.(me at least!)

I am beginning to feel that it was that non-existent gift which had been guiding me all through,the one over which i might have developed fantasy because of the surroundings or system or the institutions but still i m not sure if this was what i really wanted.

Now the next question looms large. If we have not been always doing what we liked but simply driven by that non existent gift promised to us by something or the other, is it possible to change. Have we come very far into the system that it is almost irreversible? will the system allow us to change? can we ? can i ?

P.S. It is not my intention to offend somebody by writing it in a 'collective' tone but somehow i felt i would not be the only one !


upecmustang said...

I think ur a little confused urself back there...just get that feeling. mayb we're runnin the way we do to reap a reward of some kind. But perhaps thats what keeps anybody going. Without results who would wanna work? Mayb i didnt get the point of ur post. But it sounded well thought of to me..

suren said...

hmmmmmmmm........... ya i may be confused.. the confusion is are we chasing 'our' dreams or the dreams fed into us ? and we tend to feel contended because we got a reward or because we got the reward we wanted ????? i m still confused ;)